TO MY FRIENDS
To: வெள்ளைசாமி, குபேரன், சென்றாயன்
I reminded myself of the day when I first
masturbated. It didn’t do any good. Then I think about the moment when
Priyadarshini proposed me. Not quite good. I couldn’t get any good or happy
memories. At last, I was tired of thinking about the happy scenarios. I let it
all out. I cried. I covered myself inside the blanket that my mother gave and
cried. It was a hand stitched blanket with little doodled designs that my mom
herself had embroidered.
It was my first night staying in a college hostel.
I was sharing my room with 3 other boys. One of them was short and dark as me. But he had a bulkier image while I had slim image with broad shoulders. The other two looked like twins. They both had dark tanned faces with slim and narrow shoulders. The only distinguishing thing that separated them apart was the height. He was the tallest guy among all of us. His name is Sendraayan. His look alike short guy is Guberan and the other one is Vellaisaamy.
They heard me cry but ignored me.
After night fall, I heard heavy footsteps outside. Guberan switched on the light and patted us in the back to wake up. Suddenly someone knocked our room’s door. When we opened it, it was the seniors and some of first years. The first thought that came to my mind was that they are going to rag us.
“டேய் எந்திரிங்கடா. கிச்சன்ல பிட்டு ஓட்டுராங்க. வார்டன் வர்றதுக்குள்ள ஓட்டனும். சீக்கிரம்!”
Guberan grinned and rushed outside. The next to follow was me. I don’t know why I felt like going out. As soon as, I jumped from my bed, Vellaisaamy and Sendraayan followed my queue and we four rushed inside the kitchen. It was already full even though it was dark. One of the final years brought a projector he had taken from the computer science department and plugged it with a laptop. Soon, the fun began.
It was an old Malayalam B grade movie. I recognised the actress of that movie instantly, but I couldn’t remember her name. It sure was started with the letter ‘R’ and ended with the letter ‘A’. Ah! Fuck that. It’s not the time to play detective.
When the movie was about to get to the end, a whistle sound pierced our ears and our hearts. All the boys scrammed in an instant. I noticed that majority of them went to bathrooms instead of their rooms. When I reached my room, the other 3 boys were already there. It looked like Guberan and Sendraayan were consoling Vellaisaamy. I raised my eyebrows questioningly at Sendraayan.
“வெள்ளைக்கு லீக் ஆய்ட்டு”
I didn’t get that. “எது லீக் ஆச்சு?”
Sendraayan and Gubera looked each other and Sendraayan turned his head and looked at me suppressing a grin.
“அதான் சொன்னேனே!”
Now I got that. I laughed. Vellaisaamy looked me angrily. Then Sendraayan and Guberan too joined and laughed. Vellaisaamy too joined with us after a while.
And that’s how we 4 became the closest friends.
We 4 were the 800 club. We are the only 4 who scored below 900 in our class. Sendraayan got 899 marks. Just-uh Miss-uh.
Sendraayan looks a childish guy but he was the brilliant of us 4. He would always find a counter troll whenever we 3 troll him. And its hard to call his name. So, we started calling him Mookan. He had a sharp nose. Yeah, we body shame each other within the 4 of us.
I thought Vellaisaamy was the silent guy at first but once you get to know him, you can find a devil live inside of him. A devil that Mookan always liked. But the real silent guy was Guberan. He talks a lot. Hell! He is the one who talks more among the 4 of us. But why is he silent then? Well we 3 had always doubted he was hiding something. He had an untold mystery buried within him. And we 4 secretly planned to reveal that mystery when the time comes.
Our first year ended with a good note. None of us had failed in any of the subjects. I hated to go home and wished to stay in the hostel for the next month. But my 3 friends had been too busy to stay in the hostel. So, I too reluctantly went to home.
Now it was time for us to start the second year. But the second year was not a good year for the 4 of us. Because after a month in our third semester, we got expelled from our college hostel. And it was because of the thing that Guberan was trying to hide from us.
It was a nice August Monday with a chill climate. It was one of those climates where it looks like it would rain but it will never rain. That kind of climate is a rare happening and we wanted to enjoy playing in that climate. But Guberan was not interested in this place and said that he has some other work to do. When we asked him about the work, he said silly reason like doing homework and washing his clothes. We 3 knew for sure that he’s going to do something fishy.
In the first year, Guberan used to do this a lot. It started rising doubt among the 3 of us and on the second semester, we 3 had confronted him and asked him to tell the truth. He kind of found out a logical reason showing his wound in his left leg and he was going to take care of it alone. We naturally offered our help, but he avoided us. But he can’t say the same reason every time. After our confrontation, his disappearance got lesser and lesser. So, we 3 planned hard and decided to execute our plan the next year. And the time is ripe now.
The plan is simple, we have to just follow him. Not 3 of us at the same time but each of positioned ourselves at different location. I was in the Kitchen. Mookan was near the girl’s hostel and Vellaisaamy has to hide himself inside the hostel. If anyone of us sees Guberan, then we would message them and continue to follow him. We chose these three locations because last year, we gathered a lot of intel and concluded that Guberan went to these three areas a lot and at the same time. After Guberan declined to play with us, we just asked him to join the 3 of us once he completes whatever work he would be doing. He went in the direction of hostel and our execution had started at that precise moment.
Vellaisaamy ran fast in shortcut and jumped the fence to enter inside the hostel and hid himself near the bathroom. Thanks to Guberan we knew that shortcut and we were going to use his intelligence against him. I went to the kitchen and hid myself there behind a huge pot which was used to make rice for all of the students in that hostel. And at last Mookan went and hid himself behind the bush which had grown near the entrance of the girl’s hostel. We three sent the word “ALL SET” in the WhatsApp group just the 3 of us created.
To our surprise, Guberan went to the girl’s hostel but not our boy’s hostel. Guberan knew all the shortcuts in our college. He even told us this shortcut last year. How did I miss it? Mookan sent a message saying that Guberan called someone from his phone and a girl came out of girl’s hostel and hugged him.
What The Fuck?
We had our doubts that Guberan is seeing some girl when we gathered our intel last year. Because it said he often visited Girl’s hostel. But with Kitchen and Boy’s hostel, we didn’t have had any clue. Clearly, he is not going to take that girl inside the Boy’s hostel. Or is he?
And my doubt had gotten confirmed. Vellaisaamy sent a message in the group saying that Guberan is using the same shortcut Vellaisaamy had used to enter the hostel. And the next part of the message shocked all the three of us. Guberan was not alone when he jumped that fence. That girl he called near the girl’s hostel had also joined him. Guberan helped the girl climb the fence and when she jumped, she smiled and gave Guberan a kiss – ON HIS LIPS!!!
What The Fuck?
Guberan smiled and whispered something inside the girl’s ears and they both separated. Soon after they left the scene, Mookan too jumped the fence and joined with Vellaisaamy. I asked Vellaisaamy to follow the girl and then asked Mookan to follow Guberan in the WhatsApp. My doubts were once again got confirmed. Mookan messaged saying that Guberan was heading towards the Kitchen. My body got rigid and I felt tensed. I don’t know why I am feeling this sensation. Is it fear? Or Is it excitement? And soon after Mookan pinged, Vellaisaamy had messaged in the WhatsApp saying that the girl had entered our room. We 3 didn’t expect this at all. And the weirdest thing had happened soon after that. I saw Guberan enter the Kitchen. He checked the kitchen. No one was there at that moment. It seemed like he was checking for someone else and when he confirmed that there were no one, he kneeled down on the centre of that kitchen and closed his eyes. Then he opened his eyes and went to the shelf were the hostel management had all the ingredients. He took a lot of Curry leaves in his hand and a handful of green chillies. After filling both his hands, he once again kneeled down on the centre of that kitchen and closed his eyes.
I mean, What The Fuck?
Then he went to the front corner and jumped the wall. We didn’t know that shortcut. I hissed Mookan to come inside and we both followed Guberan in his new shortcut. Then we realised that it connects directly to window of our room. He knocked the window and the girl opened it, he threw all the items inside the room and emptied his hands. After we saw him climb the window and go inside the room, I pinged Vellaisaamy the location and all the three of us had assembled and peeked inside the window.
I wish we never have watched that scene. Even today that haunts my insides.
“கண்ண மூடுங்க, கிரிஜா” – Guberan pleaded while touching her feet.
Then Girija removed her leggings. Guberan smiled. In an instant, Guberan removed his shirt, pant and even his inners. Mookan controlled his puke by shutting his mouth with his hands.
“நீங்களும் கழட்டுங்க, கிரிஜா” – Guberan once again pleaded and touched her feet.
When Girija tried to remove her tops, Guberan stopped her head.
“சட்டைய கழட்டு கூடாதுங்க, கிரிஜா. ம்ம் அத கழட்டுங்க” – Now Mookan controlled a smile. I saw disappointment in Vellaisaamy’s face. Even I can’t able to control my laugh. And pressed my hard on my mouth. It was so funny to see our friend full naked and shouting in a pleading voice. But I am sure, Guberan wanted that to sound sexy. Only it’s not.
Girija sighed and I guessed she too got disappointed a bit. Then she slowly removed her panties and threw away. Guberan fetched the panties and smelled it. All the three of felt a sudden urge to puke and wanted to go somewhere else than to see this nauseating and awful scene. After Guberan smelled that panty, he pressed it in both his eyes as if worshipping it. Then Girija grabbed Guberan and kissed her hard.
Suddenly removed from her embrace and started crying and it sounded like a scream. That did it, it was too funny to control. Mookan laughed first. Vellaisaamy and me followed him and laughed till our stomach started aching. We 3 fell in the floor and laughed and laughed and laughed. When we stopped laughing, we got up and saw the window once again. This time we saw Guberan dressed fully and sat in his bed angrily. Girija was no more there. She had fled the scene.
We 3 went around and knocked the door, it was already opened and we 3 entered and looked at Guberan. Mookan was the first to speak.
“என்ன எழவு வே அது?”
That night, we came to know that one of the PT sirs, saw a girl fleeing from our room. They couldn’t catch the girl, but they enquired all three of us. We all said that we didn’t know anything. Obviously, they didn’t believe us. One of management staff didn’t want to make this issue bigger as a girl is involved. So, they didn’t want us to bring our parents to the college. Instead they decided to expel us.
After all these events, we were given time to leave the hostel by the end of that week and warned us if they catch anyone of us doing whatever we all did that night, then we would be handing this issue to police for investigation. We all nodded in unison and all of those men left us for good. All the 4 of us were sweating from head to toe. We all lied down on the floor. The 3 of us watched Guberan to explain everything us now. Because he owes us an explanation because he nearly got us arrested.
And Guberan told us everything. Apparently Girija and Guberan fell in love with each other before joining this college. They had met in an NGO meeting for child welfare and started dating which eventually ended up in love. All the nonsense he did was a ritual kind of thing he and she saw on a Kinky porn website. So, they were doing this ritual which apparently ends up in sex. If they do the ritual correctly, Girija wouldn’t get pregnant it seems. What a load of bullshit?
“ஓத்தா நீ அத நம்பிட்டியா டா?” – Mookan asked.
Guberan nodded and said that they had did this a lot of time last year and Girija had never missed her periods once. We three got shocked.
“காண்டம்னு ஒண்ணு இருக்கறது உனக்கு தெரியுமா தெரியாதா?” – I asked.
“அதெல்லாம் யூஸ் பண்ண கூடாது டா. அத யூஸ் பண்றது பாவம்”
This irritated all the three of us. We didn’t want to hear any of this bullshit anymore. But Vellaisaamy asked one thing we missed to ask him.
“சரி. என்ன மைத்துக்கு நீ அழுத?”
“அவ என்ன வாயில முத்தம் குடுக்கிறதுக்கு முன்னாடி இங்க முத்தம் குடுத்துருக்கணும் ” – Guberan pointed to his nipple.
Me and Mookan laughed. But Vellaisaamy still looked doubtful.
“சரி. அதுக்கு எதுக்கு டா நீ அழுத கிறுக்கு பொச்சு” – Vellaisaamy got irritated suddenly. Me and Mookan continued laughing harder than before.
The next day, Girija came to us 4 and stared all of us simultaneously. Mookan, Vellai and I all 3 of us got scarred seeing her. After a minute of angrily staring at us, he turned and looked Guberan.
“I am ending this. Fuck you!” – she showed her middle finger. But Guberan remained silent as if he knew it would happen. Mookan too angry with Guberan and said,
“ஏண்டா! என்ன கருமம் டா இதெல்லாம். கொஞ்சம்மாச்சும் அறிவுச் சுண்ணி இருக்கா உனக்கு?”
“எனக்கு இல்ல. அவளுக்கு இருக்கு” – When Guberan said this we all gasped.
“எ... எது? அவளுக்கு சுண்ணி இருக்கா?”
“அட கிருக்கா. அவளுக்கு அறிவு இருக்கு டா. ”
“என்றா சொல்ற?”
“ஆமா டா. அவளுக்கு இதுல மொதல்ல இருந்தே நம்பிக்கை இல்ல. இதய அவ ஏதோ Fetish மாதிரி நினசிக்கிட்டு இருந்துருக்கா.”
And finally, he revealed what she had told him last night in the WhatsApp after all that. She had told her that she had been taking temporary birth control pills whenever they had sex.
would never forget this bizarre thing I had ever experienced in my life till I die. Guberan and Girija hooked up again after few weeks and this time, Guberan and Girija promised each other that they would never try that ritual ever again.
It was easy to find a room for the four of us
near our college. In order to help with the transportation, we 4 decided to buy
a new bike. But we all didn’t have the budget and opted for buying a second-hand
bike. My family didn’t give the money when I told them our plan.
Priyadarshini offered to give me money as she was earning from doing freelancing. I thought of asking my family one last time before getting money from her. This time, my father gave the money and with that, we all bought a second-hand bike which soon became one of us.
Second year was a tragedy. We all had arrears in the Maths paper we had written in our 4th semester. The fifth semester had gone too, and we all had managed to clear the arrear paper this time. Things were going great with me and my girlfriend. I had finally fallen in love with her.
Placement had started happening and we were given a lot of training. I nearly escaped an accident at the end of my fifth semester. Mookan and our bike, Ghilli – Yeah! We named our bike! Saved me from an accident.
It happened in our third year. We didn’t go to our home in our Pongal holidays. Instead we went to Mookan’s home and celebrated the Pongal in the field. I had never seen people cooking Pongal outside in the field before in my life. I have seen it in TVs, but this is my first time seeing it in real.
After that, we just took our bike and roamed his village. And Mookan showed us a pond which got named after a prostitute. It was a fascinating story. Later people started worshipping that prostitute and, in his village, calling oneself a தேவிடியா had serious implications. Once the people had punished those who used the ‘T’ word by shaving their heads and commanding them to clean the common toilets for a year.
We left that pond after worshipping the woman who named after this pond for a few minutes. As we were travelling on the road, we say some people standing in the side lines. Later we realised that they were police officers. One of them had spotted us. We raised the speed and before they could catch us, we accelerated and escaped from them.
As that bike is an old one, sometimes, the break would never work. We realised that after we evaded the police officers. Up ahead, we say few speed breakers. Miraculously the break had applied that time and we have been saved from an accident.
Mookan had named the bike as Ghillie. We had a blast that year.
And the time had come for the placements. Soon everyone in our class were starting to get selected in company. It’s alright! That didn’t affect me at all. I had 4 of my friends with me. We all attended all the company that came on campus to our college and we would get rejected every time.
At last we had successfully reached the last semester of our college. We didn’t have any arrears after our second year and didn’t even get selected in any company. I hated MNCs. I planned to try to enter cinema once I finished this college. Mookan had a great interest in the cinema. So, we both planned to try it. I didn’t care about my family anymore.
We had an interview on Mookan’s birthday. We 4 had planned to go to a restaurant to celebrate Mookan’s birthday once we get rejected from the first round. I went first and instantly got rejected. Then the other 3 guys went inside one by one and took more time than me. It was already nearing evening when I saw Mookan come back from the building were the interviews being held.
Mookan saw me and I raised my hand so that he can see me. His face looked sad.
“என்னடா போலாமா? எங்க மத்த ரெண்டு பேரும்?”
“மச்சா!”
I saw his face. I am usually good at guesses and I guessed in an instant what is going to say. I am not an atheist, but I wished to god that he wouldn’t say what’s in my mind.
“சொல்றா”
“அது.. அது வந்து.”
I waited.
“என்ன இந்த கம்பெனில செலக்ட் பண்ணிடாங்க டா. குபேராணும் வெள்ளயும் கடைசி ரவுண்ட் வரைக்கும் போய்ட்டாங்க. அவங்களும் செலக்ட் ஆயிடுவாங்க மாதிரி தான் தெரியுது”
I calmed myself. He had told what I didn’t want to hear. I had become atheist again.
“அது சரி டா. நீங்க செலக்ட் ஆனா என்ன? அந்த கம்பெனிக்கு போனா தானே?”
“மச்சா உனக்கே தெரியும் என் ஃபேமிலி சிட்சுவேஷன் எப்டின்னு”
I looked at him as if I was looking at a stranger. Then I saw Guberan and Vellaisaamy coming out of the building smiling to each other. When they looked at us, they stopped smiling. My eyes started welling up with tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of them. I dashed straight out of the college. They didn’t try to stop for which I felt happy.
And now… I hope you guys get this letter. I am going to leave you all to find my happiness. The last month has been hell for me. And the decision I took is the best thing that had happened to me. I wanted to write this letter for two things.
One – To tell you that you three were the only real friends I had had in my lifetime. And I wanted to write about the moments that made me feel our friendship.
Two – To tell you that I am sorry to judge you guys after all the time we had spent together. And I am sorry for not talking to you for nearly a month. I don’t have the guts to face you guys and so, I am writing this letter.
And there’s a third thing I wanted to tell you.
Thank you, guys.
இப்படிக்கு,
நவீன்.
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